Dear Mr Internet – I’m Sick of You!

OK, Mr Internet, I’ve just about had it with you. I know I may be biting the hand that feeds me, but you know what, sometimes you just really hack me off. So it’s time we had a talk, you and me.

What is it with the Facebook thing? Sometimes, I am so Facebooked-out I want to scream. And as for this new  ‘liking’ palaver, well, I just don’t want to do that any more. I’m not comfortable with it. I don’t want to ‘like’ any more Facebook pages from people I don’t know or  care about. OK?

Now as for Twitter. What were you thinking of? I don’t want to tell the world the minutiae of my life in sentence-sized bites. In fact, while we’re at it,  I don’t want to join any more social networks or hear about the latest hoops you have to jump through to get noticed online. Why can’t things just stay how they were? Maybe it’s time we had a break.

DSCN1908 (600 x 450) I’ve been here before, of course. I expect you remember, don’t you? I decide that I am never going to go online again. I will live a back to basics life and open an animal sanctuary in my garden, tend the vegetables and fruits in my thriving orto (that’s Italian for vegetable patch by the way) and spend my days writing poetry…

The trouble is, that I’m a crap gardener. You know that too of course,  judging by the number of times I have Googled how to grow stuff.  This summer  I have managed to produce just eight tomatoes in a plot the size of Tuscany. And we both understand all too well that I would go round the bend writing poetry.  I don’t think I have the stamina for an animal sanctuary as even my twice monthly stint volunteering at the  dog’s home wears me out. What to do, what to do?

Well, Mr Internet. Having walked around the garden and admired my one remaining tomato, I am going to give you another chance. I am going to remember what you were like at the beginning of our relationship – exciting, surprising, captivating. I am going to remind myself of all those presents you gave me – the chance to work from home, a virtual library at my fingertips, one or two really good new friends, the ability to connect with people all over the world.

I am going to gloss over your more recent shortcomings and get back to what attracted me to you in the first place. Good content, great stories. Never mind your flirtations with social media and your need to get bigger and better and have more, more, more. That’s just what you’re like. The bottom line is that you are good at heart. I know that. You help people connect. That’s good too.

So I will do my best to bear in mind your good points and not dwell on your ‘dark side’. OK?

As I am being so magnanimous I would appreciate some effort on your side too.  It’s not all one-way, you know. So if you can please send me lots of lovely visitors and nice comments, that would be really nice of you.

OK, it’s been good having this little talk . I know you probably won’t even read this as you’ll be off inventing something else to wind me up or adding more complex bits to your already wonderful self. But the bottom line is that I need you and you need me too.  I couldn’t live without you actually.

OK,  I think I’d better get back to work now. Thanks for listening.

Love Fionax



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